Welcome to Stepford?

Welcome to the blog about my life, my family and the ridiculous gated community I now call home. If you don't know what Stepford is check out this awesomely bad movie staring Nicole Kidman and Bette Midler.

 This is my driveway, notice the Harley, apparently that's a 
No-No in our neighborhood and we must be criminals 

Before getting into what it's like here in Suburbia (<- click it, it goes to the most reliable place for information on the internet) I want to tell you a little about where we came from.

We were the typical young couple, we both lived in little, old houses on the same street, like REALLY little, like 700 sq feet little.  That's so small it's only worth about 1.5 million in New York City. We met when my husband moved in across the street from me.  Our neighborhood was totally normal, people said hello to each other, some actually in the same language. We all got to know each other, usually over beers in the front yard (CLASSY). It seemed like it was a block party every weekend so when a hot new guy moved it word spread FAST!

The hubs and me.

 I met Juan and we hit it off.  We loved all the same things; socializing, going out, talking about how pretty I am and how much we both hate Kim Kardashian, you know, totally soulmates.  We went from neighbors to dating to living together to getting married to going WTF did I just do?! to moving to Stepford* what I shall refer to my gated community as to not piss of the HOA again (they hate us). Juan had two kids from his first marriage so it was instant family. We needed something more than our 2 bedroom bungalow and fast!    
       

Enjoy a libation while baby wearing.
Ring Slings rock! 

Anyway, back to the story, so we moved to give our kids a better school district, nicer home, blah blah blah. What we didn't know is what it means to move into one of these neighborhoods- selling your soul to the HOA board. No shit people, this is a very serious group of elected officials who have power to reek havoc on your life.  This is a collection of some of the stupid, funny, sad, pathetic and entertaining things that happen when you stick a Colombian man and his Irish wife, their Harley Davidson, three kids, three dogs and their 6 foot tall black nephew (he's not really our nephew but it was the only way they would let a random black guy move in without a background check, racist asshats) in a quiet neighborhood of wannabes in mini mansions.  Stick around for some of my tales from behind the gates!