"He's our, um, nephew. Yeah, he's our nephew"

So as I've mentioned before, Behind the Gates isn't diverse, so when Daniel moved in with us we had to tell the security guards that he was our nephew or they wanted us to pay for a background check. Why would they ask for a background check for someone who lives in our home but not ask any other neighbors to do them? Well because Daniel is black. That's right folks, we had the balls to bring in the only black guy in the entire neighborhood into our home.

Now because Daniel is black, I'm white and Juan is hispanic no one really matches. I know they are wondering how he's our nephew but being the good little closet racist, they don't ask and we don't offer up any explanation. I mean, come on, you can't ask someone, "Why is your nephew black?" or "Why are you white?"

Now Daniel is more like a son I would have had in Elementary school than a friend, roommate, nephew or drinking buddy, we love him like he's our kid,  and because he's just a part of our lives we forget that not everyone knows Daniel, case in point, our babysitters.

Juan and I don't get a babysitter very often so when we do we get the hell out of the house as fast as possible before any of our children have an opportunity to scare the unsuspecting sitter away.

Daniel Photobomb 

The first time we had a sitter was when Valentina was 6 months old. We went out and were having a blast when I got a frantic message asking if someone lived with us. It then dawned on me I forgot to mention to the 16 year old girl watching our little monsters that a 6 foot tall black dude may walk in at any time. So after being thrown up on by the baby, trying to wrangle the boys and get them to go to bed she finally gets shit under control only to have stranger danger walk right in the front door and head straight for the fridge, a mere 10 feet from where she was watching TV. Scaring the crap out of the poor girl when she looked over and saw some random dude in the fridge, obviously not matching the pigment challenged matriarch of the home.

Now Daniel is totally harmless, well unless you are Juan trying to relive your early twenties, if that's the case Daniel can equal hangover from hell.  I do realize however, that any adult walking into a home that you are babysitting at can be scary.  We now try to remember to tell the sitters about him.... usually after we have left and it dawns on me a few beers into date night. "Shit I didn't tell the sitter not to be freaked out if Daniel comes home."

Daniel doing shots in our bar with Juan

I am still not sure how to tell them about him, it usually goes something like this "Don't freak out if a tall, good looking black guy walks in, that's just Daniel. He lives here. If it's any other ethnicity or an ugly black guy it's not Daniel and call 911."

Daniel and Valentina

Note to Daniel: We love you and the day you decide to fly the nest I will cry like a baby. You will always be my "Sunshine". Also, I purposely left out the photos of you partying it up at our wedding but if you aren't good I will post them.